Wednesday, May 11, 2016

ILY. Three Years Later and I Am Still Thinking Of Your Spirit. It Offers Hope When The Obstacles Come Flying. Miss You, Lois.

I knew yesterday was the three year anniversary. All day, I wanted to find a moment to myself where I could talk to the Great Whatever in hopes he or she would communicate to you that you were on my mind. I woke up and a red cardinal bird was once again at my back patio and I thought to myself, "Hey, Lois. I am thinking of you, too."

I am thinking of you.

And I'm missing you.

I'm also needing your humor, especially at this time of the year when everything is frantic, challenging, and delivering itself in upside down ways.

I looked at this photo this morning and it is the first time that I noticed that there's a cinderblock in dirt underneath the landscaping of the Fairfield Stag. That seems rather disruptive to the pristine campus, and I'm wondering why it is there and why it never stood out before. I'm also laughing, because I can here you say, "That cinderblock was meant for my boss's head, but it missed. Lousy timing."  It is so nice to have your humor as a reminder for those of us still down here trying to fight for the good life, and trying to make sense of the grand landscape of reality.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if you were still with us to make us laugh, to tell us funny stories, to remind us that the challenges thrown our way are merely fodder for a good joke and a purposeful drink. I'm now in my house around the corner from yours and imagining how nice it would be to have you for dinner regularly and to share the world with you with all the changes that have occurred since you departed. Something tells me that you and Chitunga would really hit it off.

Pam had to turn a paper in yesterday, and I'm frantically trying to get my grades in while staying on top of grants, planning for summer, thinking about a weekend trip to Syracuse, and doing professional development in a local school. She and I saw each other a couple of times yesterday, traded a Lois hug, a couple of photos, and the fact that you were central to what we were thinking about all day long. We admitted how much we miss you. It still hurts that you're gone.

Every May 10th is a reminder of your leaving. I can't pass by sticks without looking for the I's, the L's and the Y's. They are forever  a reminder of the greatest story you wrote for us all: no matter how hard the struggle, there will always be love. Love triumphs all. Thank you for the incredible lesson. Thank you for being you.

Keep sending us the cardinal birds and we'll keep the humor as alive as we can while we have the fortunate opportunities to fill the world with laughter. ILY.

1 comment:

  1. I'm just seeing this post June 1, 2016 Bryan...I know the emptiness and it stinks to high Heaven I hope God gets our messages and gives us proof that he's there as well as Heaven itself...I want proof I say...It's exhausting talking to God and our loved ones and not hearing back from them; like talking to a brick wall for crying outloud...I'll let you know if I get any signs or messages...don't worry though, Lois loves us and I tend to think she's a bit mad at something...actually it's me that's mad. I've been mad at the doctors for not keeping her alive...I only remember asking one doctor to please keep monitoring her and he shook his head no after going out of the room to ask someone. Another doctor told me her heart was damaged and she didn't know how to better explain it to me....I'm glad I found your post Bryan...I'm happy you think about Lois and still talk to her as I know you do...I do the same too...she's in my mind as I type and maybe that is the sign from her and God; that she's in my physical mind typing with me...there you go; she's in our minds with us always especially when we think of always with us is right. I do believe that's called the spirit; the human spirit...thank you Bryan...I just found Lois; she's in my mind. Hope to see you soon and take care of yourself...better tell you it's me Mary Beth...