Tuesday, September 20, 2016

On a Tuesday When The Brain is Already Fried, It Necessitates a Post of Steven Wright One-Liners To Carry Me On

I know I'm tired when I can't think of anything new to write about, despite the fact that I have much to write about. I think I'm at the place of the semester, where I can't think of any new material to ponder - it's there, I just can muster up the mental space to make it happen.

For today, Tuesday, I was thinking about comedy that has always captivated me which made me remember Steven Wright. His nuggets of wisdom provide all the thinking that I would try to accomplish should any of my brain cells decide to fire up again. They seem to be throwing in the towel way too early this semester.

  • It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
  • I stayed up one night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
  • I went to a place to eat. It said, "Breakfast any time of the day." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • I'm writing a book. I have the page numbers done; now I just need to fill in the rest.
  • When we were driving over the border back into the United States, they asked me if I had any firearms. I asked, "What do you need?"
  • Every morning I get up and make instant coffee. I drink it until I have enough energy to make real coffee.
  • I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
  • I've written several children't books...none on purpose.
  • I'm going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me, but only taller.
  • I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman.
  • When I get real bored I like to drive to a busy downtown area and get a great parking spot. I sit in my car and count the number of people asking me if I'm about to leave.
  • We lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If we wanted to cook something we had to take off a sweater real quick. If we wanted to run a blender, we had to rub balloons on our head.
  • I was Caesarean born. Can't really tell, although whenever I leave the house I go through the window.
And with that, I'm off to teach...well, work, well, attend meetings...well, do what I got to do. 

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